I know now that, because I love her so much, in the perverse way that this sadism/masochism works, the more pleasure I got from hurting her. This is a...bit long winded, I know, but it’s important to explain how I felt on that Wednesday: important to understand what loving him meant to me. So I went along with Lena’s plan for several reasons but primarily I was frightened of what I was turning into. My lovemaking with her was becoming more demanding, I would experiment with hurting her a little. " You buddies with her?" Uh, yeah, you could say so."Frank said, "Jesus, you get around, don't you?" "A gentleman never tells." And you get a lot of mileage out of that line."Frank asked, "Tom, I told you what Bill and I were thinking, and you know Pete's not getting along with Molly. A penny for your thoughts."Tom said he'd been thinking it over. "I'd actually be ok with Molly in or out, not having the girls, or having them once in a while. I mostly want to keep the four of us as the core. “You felt the same about me,” Rachel said.“Yeah. It didn’t start off about love. It had to do with pushing Joe’s buttons. But more, it’s how much fun we had.”“Exactly,” Rachel grinned. “Didn’t we?”“Fuck yeah! You brought me more fun than I ever had. You always do. But it involving getting wasted or fucking some poor bisexual groupie, it tended to get out of hand.”“And you kicked me out when it got too much. Probably the sanest thing you ever did. If we kept going, one or both of us would have. "Um, I'm just not quite ready for that right now. Before we go any further I need to tell you some things about myself. I'm sorry." No need to be sorry. That was so amazing. If we stopped right now I'd still be in heaven. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."Looking a bit relieved but still serious, she said, "Good. Because that's, well, that's kind of what this is about." She told me about her previous summer, when she had worked as a counselor at a summer camp. .
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It can't end up good for either of them, but she won't listen to me, and I was desperate enough to try and talk to Jimmy, but it didn't help. I guess
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